This is how autogynephiles kill women

Autogynephilic narcissist checking out his own butt
Autogynephilic narcissist checking out his own butt

I want to show you a case study of how a man’s autogynephilic narcissism helped to kill off his wife so that he could be the “mom,” and then boosted him into the lying crime-light of male transgenderite activism. It is quite a disturbing story. For the benefit of those just learning about autogynephilia, a few words first to introduce the topic.

Around 90% of male transgenderists have autogynephilia. Growing up, they seem like ordinary heterosexual boys and men, just regular guys, but they hide an embarrassing secret — these men have an obsessive sexual fantasy image of themselves “as women,” wearing women’s clothes, having breasts and other “female body parts,” and mimicking “feminine” stereotypes of behavior & appearance. Crucially, these men crave “validation as women” through their unchallenged “trans-aggressive” violations of women’s space (rest-rooms, dressing rooms, locker rooms etc.) and through having normal people mirror back to them such “feminine” social expectations as being called “ma’am” or “miss,” having a real woman compliment their outfit, having a man hold the door open etc.  Most autogynephilic men “transition” (to become fake “women”) after many years or decades of cultivating their fantasy to the point of neurotic dissociation, when a new “female gender identity” takes over. Unfortunately, this often happens when the man is married to a woman, and usually with young children in the home. The consequences of this break from reality are devastating, mostly to the man’s family, as the husband and father they once loved and respected, and who once seemingly cared for them more than anything, begins to obsess about his “transition,” first just “exploring the idea” with “support groups” and “shopping en femme” but very soon going whole-hog for massive hormone manipulations and drastic surgeries. It is a toxic nightmare for the women married to these men and a traumatic disappointment for their children.

“Devin” (probably Kevin) Payne (AKA “Pain”) is a man from Kansas, USA. He was married to a woman, and together they had four children.

Growing up in Kansas, Payne remembers trying on her mother’s clothes and dressing as a girl every year for Halloween. She dreamt of having another life after this one, as a girl. But Payne said she mostly suppressed her feelings and tried to live up to the expectations for a male.

“I put it out of my head,” she said.

She married a woman she met at work and they had four children, now ages 7 to 22. But she never felt comfortable in the traditional role of father and provider.

So far, 100% classic autogynephilia,. Bonus points for making up a retroactive justification for his transgenderism — “dressing as a girl every year for Halloween.” That sounds like a lie — he may have done  it once. Also bonus points for blaming his un-named wife and his children for “dysphoria” in what should be the most important role and responsibility of a heterosexual male’s life: being a solid, reliable and loving husband and father.

“I was just horrible at it because it wasn’t who I was,” she said. So Payne became the primary caretaker, playing the “mommy role” as she worked from home doing software development for pharmaceutical companies.

She felt increasingly anxious, and in late 2012, a therapist helped her to realize that she was meant to live as a woman. Payne said her entire outlook on life changed when she started taking female hormones.

“It wasn’t who I was” — despite having made his wife pregnant at least four times, he wasn’t  keen to take responsibility. Then come even more lies — he became “mommy,” already stealing his nameless wife’s identity, as she apparently had to go out and get a job to support the family. But he was actually raking in a lot of money as he worked from home: “doing software development for pharmaceutical companies” tends to pay much better than most work-from-home gigs. In fact, it pays extremely well. Why did nameless wife have to work? Could Kevin have been concealing a big chunk of his income from her? His “outlook on life changed” when he began taking estrogen — because when males take estrogen, it fulfills autogynephilic fantasy and provides a mild general euphoria.

But then we learn:

Devin Payne had gone years without health insurance – having little need and not much money to pay for it.

“Little need” — again, with a wife and four children. “Not much money.” Remember this for a few moments.

Payne told her wife, who was upset. She told Payne: I married a man, not a woman—but she also admitted that she wasn’t entirely surprised. With mixed feelings, Payne’s wife stayed in the marriage, and the family moved from Kansas to California, in part so Payne could be more comfortable living as a transgender woman. They rented a small house in a middle-class neighborhood on the outskirts of Palm Springs and sent their children to the public school.

Late last year, Payne’s wife, who had battled alcoholism for years, died of liver disease.

Emphases added. These two paragraphs tell the story of how this man’s sexual fantasies helped to kill off a good woman, a mother of four,  and then spit on her grave. His wife was “upset” (i.e. “unwilling to accept his bullshit”) but then “admitted” (i.e. as though she had been unreasonable but was now conceding) that she wasn’t surprised (i.e. “that somehow she always knew that Kevin was actually a laydee”). “With mixed feelings” (i.e. “it really wasn’t so difficult, she actually kind of loved the idea”) she “stayed in the marriage” (i.e. “she didn’t recklessly bail out on the marriage” — as Kevin was actually doing). Then, “in part” (yeah right) so Kevin/Devin could feel more comfy flaunting his autogynephilic fantasy-self, she moved 2,000 miles away from her family and friends to a small rented house in the shitty suburban desert of Riverside County, California.

We’re talking about the mother of four children. Much more likely, she wanted to stay in Kansas with the kids and try to rebuild their lives, close to loved ones — but no longer had the strength to fight against Kevin’s incessant demand.

Within a year or two, as Kevin glammed it up downtown, uptown and all around town, the

Taking
Taking “selfie” #47558478339838384646

woman without a name suddenly died. Presumably, dying of liver disease for some little while, probably a few years, she’d had had poor health, with nausea, vomiting, esophageal bleeding and other symptoms. However, the family had “little need” for health insurance — did she receive any medical care before she died?  Could she have received care sooner than she did? As you’ll see later in this post, she did not have health insurance before she died.

It’s not that often you hear about a young-ish woman, probably in her early 40s, mother of four, dying from the effects of too much booze. I am skeptical that she “battled alcoholism for years” — that’s just another stigmatizing disparagement. (Even if she did drink a lot, this asshole’s antics and her lonely & isolated new life in the suburban California desert may have pushed her to it.) But think about the liver’s role in the human body: It processes toxins. If indeed this woman died of “liver disease,” it was because of Kevin/Devin’s malignant narcissism and the toxic environment he created. I don’t mean that he was spraying insecticide everywhere — I mean the gaslighting, toxic stress and emotional blackmail that he perpetrated against his family for several years, until the woman died. She may have had a pre-existing health condition, and with some conditions chronic stress can lead to liver failure. Undoubtedly she was in sorrow and distress, yet took care of the house and kids in a strange new city while Kevin painted the town red and obsessed over his bra size. In any case, it’s clear that she was in poor health, it’s clear that Kevin didn’t bother getting health insurance for his family; and it’s clear that the woman probably shouldn’t be dead.

While the nameless wife was dying:

In her early 40s, she [Kevin] changed her name, began wearing long skirts and grew out her sandy blond hair. And she started taking female hormones, which caused her breasts to develop and the muscle mass on her 6-foot one-inch frame to shrink.

The next step was gender reassignment surgery. For that, Payne, who is now 44, said she needed health coverage. “It is not a simple, easy, magical surgery,” said Payne, a photographer who lives in Palm Springs. “Trying to do this without insurance is a big risk. Things can go wrong … not having the money to pay for it would be awful.”

Payne learned in the fall that she might qualify for subsidies through the state’s new insurance marketplace, Covered California, because her income fell under the limit of $46,000 a year. She eagerly signed up in March for a Blue Shield plan for about $230 a month, and began making preparations for the surgery that would change her life.

Mind you, the article I’m quoting is from August 2014. Kevin’s wife died in “late 2013.” Now that she’s out of the way, hey, how about getting some health insurance to pay for that fake “vagina”, with no proper function except to put a penis inside! Great idea — these insane surgeries are now covered by “Obamacare.” (You can’t get eyeglasses, birth control, and a bunch of other useful stuff, but you can get one of these things carved out.) So tra-la-la, with wife dead and the children traumatized & motherless the new “mommy,” now a glamorous “photographer,” minces his way immediately to the surgeons. In late May, he went under the knife.

But did he really need this health insurance bonanza? In the following disgusting video, Payne makes this statement about funding “the operation”:

I had enough money to pay cash, out of pocket for it.

By the scheduled date, Blue Shield had authorized the operation but hadn’t determined exactly how much it would pay for an out-of-network provider. Payne got a cashier’s check for nearly all her savings, $27,000, to pay the doctor, hoping her insurance plan would reimburse most of it.

But Payne decides to let American taxpayers and the insurance company pay for it. So he has $27,000 cash laying around — and probably more. He likely concealed these funds from his wife while she lived; secret savings from his lucrative software development years. Whatever happened to “little need and not much money” for health insurance? He never felt a “need” for health insurance until he learned that using it he could save a ton of money on that long-fantasized fake “vagina.” The $230/month policy is just for himself. With tens of thousands of dollars under his mattress, nameless wife died needlessly, likely with insufficient medical care or even without care. Payne says in the video that his children are now on Medi-Cal, the extreme low-budget, bare-bones health care option made available to welfare recipients. He probably gets food stamps for them too. Payne sends the bereft children back to their grandparents. They’re probably still with their grandparents — though on the other hand, being a “single mom” is tremendously validating for some of these men (they are among the most vicious when it comes to child custody court fights in divorce cases), and he may have them in his clutches again. (Oh, I see that he puts pictures of the kids in his blog — the 2,831 pedos of Riverside County will be pleased.)

And then: let’s get the party started.

On a boiling afternoon in early July, about six weeks after the operation, Payne and her friends sat outside on the patio next to a pool. Misters sprayed above them, and Payne’s cat and two dogs wandered beneath their feet.

Yeah I’ll bet that some “Misters” are spraying above.

But he’s mad because the government & health insurance company don’t want to pay for the whole thing. They might have paid, but the insurance company was still sorting out their paperwork & costing. However, Kevin couldn’t wait another minute!!! So he just went ahead with an “out-of-network” surgeon.

Payne said she believes the lab work, pathology, anesthesiology services and follow-up doctor’s visits were all covered. But recently she got a statement saying she was on the hook for $17,000 of the total cost of the surgery.

Payne believes that the government and insurance companies should help cover such operations.  The population of transgender patients who want surgery is small, and she said they are less likely to suffer mental health problems once they have it.

Um, actually, how about just dealing with these men’s mental health problems in the first place! Nowadays (and by the tone of this article) we are supposed to think this guy is a normal, healthy, not insane “woman.” He’s a fucking psychotic poster-boy for out of control paraphilic sexual fantasies.

That’s the story of how a typical autogynephile’s selfishness, depravity and irresponsibility played a role in a woman’s death. But there’s more.

Executive autogynephile.
Executive autogynephile.

A few months have passed, and “Devin Payne” is a transgenderite activist. The August 2014 article was widely read, and Kevin is now one of the most famous male trannies in all of Riverside County. Wife, what wife? He considers himself a “feminist” and “lesbian” but he’s also into tall dark & handsome strangers. He’s a socialite and party animal. His photographs of other men are not particularly interesting. He attended the “GLAAD” Awards and networked with a bunch of other well-known delusional perverts. What else has he got going on? How about Twittering and blogging to the world the details of his latest surgeries? Making “things” more “natural” he says.

pAyneAnyway, this is more than enough information about this clown.  Autogynephilia destroys families and harms all women, especially those who are close to the autogynephiles. It harms children by gaslighting them at a time when they’re just trying to make sense of the world. And these men are not “safe,” just because they pretend to be women. I guess that’s a topic for another day.

Payne articles (similar but slightly different):

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48 thoughts on “This is how autogynephiles kill women

  1. Transpolitics, the narcissism sucks the air out of rooms. Women are erased. Just today, two people who I just met on Twitter called me a TERF and stormed off.

    I swear to fucking Christ we need a feminist movement that won’t back down to this shit. Count me in. Hell, I’ll lead the fucking thing, disabled and all.

    Liked by 8 people

  2. Someone you loved died horribly – that’s happened to me. The idea that you ignore that and fixate on your personal fulfilment while treating that as a side issue…WTF?

    He kicked his wife and children aside to focus on HIS NEEDS. He’s a fucking nasty bastard. There are no good words to say about him. And this pattern is repeated over and over again with trans.

    Liked by 7 people

  3. THANKYOU for writing this. I want everyone who applauds these vampires to stop for a moment and just ask themselves what really happened to the women and children in these boners in a frock’s lives.
    Here we have a woman literally dying from the misery caused by this man’s sexual obsession. And he gets lauded for his “activism”..

    Liked by 6 people

  4. Just read a little bit more…ugh! I’m glad his episiotomy hurt. I avoided one by pushing down too hard during labor and ended up with tearing instead that needed a lot of stitching.
    Yes it hurt, but I didn’t film it to the world. I just got on with it like countless women before and after me have done. When you become a mother your whole centre of attention changes from yourself to the life you’ve just helped produce. Something that these narcissists will never understand.

    Liked by 7 people

  5. I am both shocked and speechless… I will comment later… One thing I will say right now, though: is it me or this 6’1″ person looks and sounds like a man? Does anyone else see it or am I being the “typical bitter, transphobic ex-wife?

    Liked by 4 people

  6. The story speaks for itself… but is it really neccessary to call a neovagina a “fuck hole”? Straight women’s vagina’s can (and have been) maligned in this and similar terms. Describing female (even if only female like) genitalia in perjoritive terms is both uneccessary to the story and distracts from the real issue at hand.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Kay, are you by any chance Candice Brown Elliot? It is ok if you are, but I was just wondering….

      Like

      1. Write to me at formertranskid@gmail.com for an answer. But to anyone who may be reading this… note that a number of people have written very unflattering things about tranwomen who know about , acknowledge, and especially write about the Fruend/Blanchard two type taxonomy and especially about the reality of autogynephilia in transgendered MTFs. Also note that there are those who are so angry at the misdeeds of the autogynphilic transgender “community” that ALL who superficially look like them get tarred with the same critism, without proper analysis. ‘nough said.

        Liked by 4 people

      2. OH… and one more thing of interest. Kiira Trea, the woman who co-authored the essay that was republished on this blog (link below) was a good friend of mine. She too was trashed by the AGP transgendered folk. She was the one who talked me into writing about the science and how autogynphilia operated. She was a very intereting person, a “progrestin viralized female”, raised as a boy until age 14, she became very active in the Intersex rights movement. But because of “transgender politics” in which AGPs tried to highjack the intersex movement for their own “identity politics”, she grew to distrust AGP transwomen, and after learning about “the other type” became an outspoken activist for transkids. She had a VERY wicked sense of humor… and wrote commentary and held forth during out usually weekly phone calls, things about AGPs that, minus the anger, make this blog seem tame. I still miss her

        http://www.transkids.us/learning.html

        https://autogynephiliatruth.wordpress.com/2015/04/27/what-many-transgender-activists-dont-want-you-to-know-and-why-you-should-know-it-anyway/

        Liked by 4 people

      3. I knew a few transsexuals from the 1990s, all into men. The two I personally still know, and keep in touch with from time to time, want nothing to do with this movement. [both in LTRs with men]. I hate to say it but, the very transsexuals trying to stay out of this, that never would pull this[not the ones I knew] will be the ones blamed for the backlash they are creating. When the men/guys exploiting a trans identity for non-consenting predation purposes, get busted, they will abandon the movement.

        Miranda Yardley is getting quite a thrashing by the trans community for questioning the policy and bringing up the safety of women, please be careful should you decide to speak out, unless you are prepared for guys posting your address, and where you work, create a pseudonym for your own safety. They did not waste time in attacking Miranda.

        Liked by 4 people

  7. Hi No Name, I am very confused now… I thought I had found a bunch of blogs of women who had also been, or still are, married to autogynephilic men… I am sorry but it is very hard for me to discern the difference between this Devin/Kevin Payne and Miranda Yardley (and also other transwomen holding the same views on transsexuality as Miranda Yardley): hairline, bone structure, general looks, occupation, hobbies, etc. they all look very similar… According to the autogynephilic theory, non-homosexual transsexuals transition late, pretty much look like men in drags, have men hobbies, men occupations, etc. (which I find somewhat binary, BTW) … See where I am getting at?

    It is perfectly ok to read comments of transsexuals here, in fact they might help us all understand what goes through the minds of people who decide to transition, whatever the reason for their transition might be, but I wonder whether they might also be looking for the ultimate validation and/or kick here among women who were (or are still being) hurt by autogynephilic men…

    I hope I have not offended anybody with this last post…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I cant speak for all, but The ones I knew were gay men that were brought up ashamed to be gay and were never in a relationship with any women- and they did not claim to be ‘lesbians’ in a mans body-throwing themselves at every woman and perv-ing them in public. They don’t cross women’s boundaries and are for the most part, effeminate men.

      There a few like Sarah Brown, that hate women and want to rule over them, but the awful woman-hating personality does not stay hidden long.

      The level of narcissism and lack of regard, and inappropriate behaviour when it comes to other family members-especially female-is a give away, All family members are forced to put the dad in the center of the focus, when the children are at an age they still need parental guidance and nurtured to have a good future[making kids is easy, raising them is a commitment]. Bruce never visited his sons from the previous marriage after he moved on to the next woman. This would have been an early red flag for me. He also used his teen developing daughter’s clothes to play out his fetish and caused his daughters to fight over his little sex adventure with their clothes. He may have entertained himself sexually this way and dared to go in to aggravate the situation between the girls by crossdressing with her clothes yet again after the girls fought.

      I wonder if he picked sides and told one daughter she was seeing things, or reprimanded the innocent daughter for touching clothes she never went near..a focus on ‘playing bitch-games’ and gaslighting women, playing women off each and other types of psychological abuse pops up because of their preoccupation and sexual jealousy of females, wanting access to women and play with women’ in cruel, minor abusive ways..

      A more severe case, Hadden Clark- he killed a six yearold, and a young women while playing a game-gaslighting her. While ‘playing-woman,’ he broken into her room, claimed to be her, and declared she was breaking into ‘his’ room. He killed her. Later, he showed police where he buried over 200+ trophies, including this woman’s driver license he took the night he pretended to be her, and killed her. Read about how he ‘played-woman’.

      ‘Gas-lighting’ women and girls is part of this movement, and mental sexual fetish-play for adults that play out Domination fantasies.

      It is a way to Dominate and objectify females as well. These guys are getting away with abusing their family members, but want a legal license to treat all women this way, in public, in women’s spaces, anywhere women can never get away from them- to feel like special men, and like they ‘won’ over a woman.. They don’t want to be women, they want control of what women are allowed to do, and use them like props to amuse themselves.

      These men sexualize women like clothes, deny women exist out side of their narcissistic male definition, and demand to be put in charge of women’s legislation.

      -They wish to legalize pedophile-friendly laws ‘as a woman’,
      -The wish to protect trafficking[pimp-led prostitution]’as a woman’ to keep the price low for johns- So they demand pimps be protected instead of the women as the ultimate solution to this abusive industry that leaves women homeless, brutalized by pimps/johns and addicted to drugs. Then they gaslight and claim that victim-rights advocates, [many victims’ advocates are ex-sexworkers demanding exit programs and drug treatment] trying to protect the actual women in the industry are harmful and are jealous of the ‘sexy-women’.

      Another severe case- https://archive.is/0iGMZ [Warning photos] Is BTK. Here he is Taking photos of himself in the clothing of the women he murdered. BTK never raped his victims, he did not conquer by rape, he conquered women by murder and strangled them, masturbated in their frilly things and took the women’s personal items and clothes to wear later- with him.

      You can spot an abusive, woman hater- their actions give them away.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I believe that “Andi”, or rather, from the email I received confirming my suspicion, Andrea James, is here to troll. James you already know well, I’m sure.

        But here I do wish to point out that MTF transkids are NOT “gay men who were brought up to be ashamed of being gay”. I wrote about this on my FAQ on my blog:

        https://sillyolme.wordpress.com/faq-on-the-science/

        You’ll find the appropriate entries about half-way down. The short answer is that MTF transkids have never been ashamed, though they may have been shamed, but NOT for their sexuality, but for their femininity, which is usually very obvious since they were toddlers. (Q: why do we have a special words to describe the same behavior in males vs. females? A: homophobia.) However, you ARE right that is is very likely that MTF transkids and feminine gay men are on the same etiological spectrum, just as AGP transsexuals are on the same spectrum as conventional transvestites/cross-dressers.

        Finally, it should be noted, that while AGPs have a very high co-morbidity with narccistic personality disorder and co-occuring paraphilias, not all, or even the majority, are such raging asshats as James.

        Liked by 3 people

      2. That applied to the pair I know, who lived as a couple-first in the 1980s. They hid that way, gay guys were a bit more hidden, they were getting attacked over the HIV out break, and these were different times. They couldn’t move to gay-friendly California until the 1990s- but how Ironic I can’t dare mention who they are out of fear for their safety out of homophobia from the genderqueer movement.

        I didn’t mean to imply that was going on with the children that were labeled trans- the children are normal kids with imaginations that want to please their parents..

        What is going on now, is any male child whose actions are perceived as feminine, [or visa versa-if the family feels they have a girl that is too ‘lesbian’] are being pushed into permanent sterilization in hopes it cures any gayness and prevent it from spreading. Children go through many stages, and the rush to surgery is homophobia based on misinterpreting common child exploration behaviour.

        There are similar adults complaining that spongebob squarepants it too gay, and sexless [they will be disapointed, sea sponge sex being gemule formation & fragmentation] and encourages homosexuality- and it is the tamest cartoon that kids ID with. but that is how many developing children -both male and female are, and the character appeals to them on a sex-less level. There is nothing sexual about the character – but Labels of ‘gay’ and ‘your child will just kill themselves’ are used as an excuse to police children into systematic abuse that focuses completely on teaching them to obsess how they will have sex one day, and incites fear in young inexperienced parents that their child has a life and death disorder.

        Like

    2. its a very tricky line to walk.. women who have been hurt by Agps are understandably nervous of all transitioned males. miranda, rikki et al.. we’re not completely stupid you know.. i often wonder about the validation aspect myself.. but at the very least these transwomen have never demonstrated particular sexual interest in women or social and political interest in occupying women’s spaces. they have opened up a cyberspace where women can safely attempt to make their point and they have shown at least a superficial support and understanding of women’s issues without the usual transcentric bollocks. that’s almost unheard of among the Agp community. regardless of their motivations, i dont see them hurting women in any way… yet.. i don’t know what more you can ask.Disagreeing with trans in principle will not make the problem go away

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I believe that “Andi” here someone we all know. I believe that “Andi” is a persona only created to troll this blog…and to attempt to intimidate.

    Like

    1. Paranoid much, Kay brown? You are a dude. You look like a dude, you talk like a dude, and somehow you pretend to be what you are not. You are trying to intimate me, not vice versa. Is this the ultimate kick for you?

      Check out our very female Kay Brown: she is a tranny, not a woman.
      http://www.tsroadmap.com/info/transkids/candice-brown-elliott.html

      Kay: you can say whatever you want, but do not attack others for asking questions.

      I looked up Andrea James and found out she is your arch-nemesis: maybe you two “ladies” should kiss and make up over scones. 🙂 I will send my ex husband over so that y’all can have some good ole girl talk all together… LOL

      Like

      1. Why are you using two different profiles? This one is connected to andi2tired?

        Everyone knows Kay is trans, – Kay Brown, an advocate for the Blanchard model,

        Like

      2. OK… if you are not Andrea James, I apologize. But you wrote to me and said your name was Andrea… and though emails can’t quite capture sarcasm, the writing started off with “I’m sorry, did I out you?” This is EXACTLY what AJ would have said to me. But I suspect that even if you aren’t AJ, you did want to embarrassingly “out” me.

        But Seriously? Calling me names and making ugly remarks about my looks? Which by the way, if you got from AJ’s website, were likely photoshopped to make me look ugly, a la, tabloid journals that attempt to make celebrities look ugly. It isn’t very hard… and AJ has a history of doing that sort of thing.

        BTW, how do I “talk” like a dude? You haven’t ever met me?

        No… you should NOT believe anything that AJ says or posts about me. The reason AJ hates me is that I wrote on the science supporting Blanchard’s two type taxonomy. I know Anne Lawrence and have had a number of conversations regarding the topic. Then in researching the issue, became friends with Kiira Trea (aka: Denise Magner), who also got trashed by AJ.

        Oh… and your ex… please don’t. MY husband would likely insult him by calling him a “cross-dresser on steroids”. (He isn’t comfortable around AGPs.) “Girl Talk” with AGPs doesn’t sound like my cup of tea either.

        I’m not “pretending”… I never say that I’m “female”. Though in everyday life I don’t point out that. I just let people assume that. I don’t say that I have a “female gender identity”… at least not in the sense that the AGPs mean when they say that.

        Here is what I DO say: https://sillyolme.wordpress.com/2009/12/28/the-origins-of-cross-gender-identity-in-transsexuals/

        Would it surprise you to know that in high school, the first week of school, a boy turned to another boy and asked, “Is that a girl or a boy” in reference to me… Of course, within weeks, I was being bullied and had been beaten senseless, pushed down a flight of stairs, knocked off my bike into oncoming car traffic, etc. The school administration was just as homophobic, treating me as the problem… my family was even worse… and thus making me immune to your ugly language… I grew up with that sort of thing. Hell… I survived reparative therapy attempts! TWICE!!

        If you do want to know about my life… and what I ACTUALLY look like:

        https://sillyolme.wordpress.com/about/

        Living like this is SAFER for me. It is EASIER for me. I fit in better. I can keep a real job… And, yes, my romantic life dramatically improved. Gay men aren’t attracted to those like me… and we don’t find most of them very attractive either. (I find AGP men even less so!)

        No, I don’t believe that anything I say will make you treat me with the common decency that most people expect from strangers. But I do have hopes that people reading this post, and this blog in general, will be smart enough to learn about the two type taxonomy… and not confuse those like me with those like Andrea James.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Andi was already taken, so I went with andi2tired, why do you ask?

        Well, I am glad everybody knows, I did not. When somebody attacks me, I become suspicious, and Kay Brown attacked me and accused me of being Andrea James. That is indeed very silly.

        Like

  9. As a CiS gendered woman who has experienced the narcissism of a AGP person demanding that I interact with him to fulfill his “slumber party” fantasy, a lot of this post resonates strongly with me.

    I do find it very interesting that “Andi”‘s MO is so similar to the well documented abusive behavior exhibited by Andrea against anyone who dares cross her. Regardless of who you are doxing someone, abusive name calling and stalking are disgusting behaviors that exactly illustrate the kind of narcissistic entitlement this post describes.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. He uses “cis” because he is Kay Brown or someone like him. He attacks me for no reason and invades a women’s only space to seek validation for his dream world. Don’t fall for it, No Name, Kay Brown is a dude, just like Devin Payne, in fact, Devin Payne looks and acts less intimidating.

        Kay Brown: I am not here to argue with you, sir, I could not care less about the reality you want to live by. You, sir, need to leave women alone. Go seek validation among other trannies.

        Liked by 1 person

  10. They are all selfish bastards…boyh MTFs and FTMs..some of the most self absorbed motherfuckers in the world. Straight women and their kids suffer with the autogynophiles and Lesbians suffer when their handsome Butch FEMALE partner decides to transition, cut off their tits, gets all hairy and aggressive once on Testosterone. Then expect the Lesbian partner to renounce their Lesbianism and pretend to be straight??? Both types of female partners suffer in slightly different ways…but it becomes ALL ABOUT THEM AND THEIR TRANSITION!!! FUCKING NARCISSITIC!!

    I wanna see a Lesbian.Movement that stands up to this shit!! L lets leave the GBTMNOPXYZ NOW!!!
    -Labryis swingin’ FeistyAmazon

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Personally, a lot of the lesbians I’ve seen transition have not been butch, but feminine. And then many FtMs are straight or bi and want to take the fag hag thing too far by being sexually intimate with gay men…of course actual gay men want to be with a real man because they’re gay.

      That said, totally agree about the selfishness. For a group of people that’s always demanding that we respect their identity and not question it, they sure as shit don’t respect anyone one else’s identity. Ex-lesbians who try to transition into straight men don’t respect that her female significant other (if she has one) is not straight but is a lesbian. But the lesbian partner has to go along with it and become a straight woman for the “straight man” she’s now dating otherwise bigotry! In this case, this man did not respect that his wife was a heterosexual woman married to a heterosexual man with children, and so in order to be a good person, she has to be gaslighted into going along with her husband LARPing as a lesbian.

      Really, I can get wanted to be treated with the kind of respect men get just from being men, but I can’t get signing up for trying to be a man. The history of the patriarchy is so female-hating and all around life-hating that I can’t get trying to ally with it.

      Like

  11. You’re right. It is very uncommon for anyone to die of alcoholism at that age. I had a cousin who died of alcoholism, from liver disease and possibly kidney disease when she was in her late 30s. She had an extremely abusive childhood.

    I’m glad you broke down the article, pointing out how odd it was that apparently insurance wasn’t needed when the wife had the liver disease, but once he wanted cosmetic surgery it was suddenly necessary. There are signs that something’s wrong before that kills you.

    The gaslighting and emotional abuse that these men put their wives/female SOs through is just despicable, but what’s even worse is what happens if these women try to seek help from a shrink. There’s even more gaslighting and even if the shrink admits she’s experiencing emotional abuse (or in some cases physical abuse*) there’s always a tense relationship, making sure that she doesn’t dare be “transphobic” and express that the horrible, true though that her husband/male SO is and always will be a man. And one of the worse kind of creep men too.

    (*For the physical abuse one, I blogger I followed was in a relationship (I don’t remember if they were married or not) to an autogynephile who once beat up on her resulting in the neighbors calling the cops and her two very young children trying to protect her from him. She said that he also did a lot of crystal meth and would cruise for random sex with strangers, picking up who knows what STDs. The police removed him from the property.)

    They don’t collect stastics of heterosexual women married to these dudes who commit suicide or are emotionally and/or physically abused. In the event that stastics are collected, they’re not listed as man-on-woman domestic violence or even transwoman-on-woman domestic violence. Nope, they get added to the stastics of lesbian domestic violence. (Hm, blaming lesbians for heterosexual male violence against women, how fucking progressive.)

    It’s also always creepy how these men think they’re “single moms” or the real mothers of their children, as opposed to the woman who actually gave birth to them. Men like to take credit for everything women do.

    I’ve always had issues with depression and anxiety since I was 15, and while I think talk-therapy is better, I’m considering just convincing a doctor to fork over anti-anxiety meds since I don’t want to get stuck with some freak who wants to claim I’m being “violent” for being a lesbian with some actually pride and self-respect who knows that men cannot become women. Women are more than castrated men. I choose to love women and support other women, especially over dudes like these who destroy the lives of their female SOs and oftentimes their children’s lives with their fetish.

    Liked by 4 people

  12. Excellent! I lol’d (in a good way). Thank you for this. There is one corr I’d like to make and maybe add in some info. I hope you won’t mind.

    First of all, in world terms, most MtF transgender are not Blanchard autogynephile (AGP). They are Blanchard homosexual transsexual (HSTS), sometimes called informally, Transkids. It is really difficult to get stats on this, but it would appear that over 70% of those who receive Genital Reconstruction Surgery (GRS, a cosmetic vagina), in the US and certain parts of Europe are indeed AGP.

    However the phenomenon is very very rare elsewhere. A recent Thai study found one gynephilic trans MtF in a sample of 300. The others were all — pre or post-op — HSTS. A study in Hong Kong slightly longer ago found ‘zero percent’ AGP.

    If we were to increase the sample in the West to include non and pre-ops, and taking into account that most authorities suggest that there are at least 10X as many of these as post-ops, the statistical dominance of the AGP type is questionable. (We never can estimate how many ‘latent’ AGPs there are, since the fetish that drives them is always kept a secret until the bubble bursts.) But the AGPs themselves will insist they are a majority, because they are not only trying to erase women and colonise their identities, they are doing the same to HSTS. They would like to erase the HSTS identity so that they will be seen as ‘the true transsexuals’.

    AGPs are obsessive about GRS in a way that very few transkids are. (AGPs NEVER present as children). AGPs are, literally, sexually in love with themselves. (If they have a sex life with their wives they usually fantasise that this is a lesbian act between two women.) However, because they are heterosexual and often downright homophobic, they cannot be in love with a man (for MtF). So in order for their sexual desire for themselves to be requited, they must turn themselves into ‘women’. The fake vagina is a central part of this fantasy and, typically, it will be the first surgery an AGP has. .

    HSTS are not like that. They just want a nice man to be with, and yes, some fabulous sex on the way. They are, if they have not been damaged by society, very loving and charming people. They’re just trying to make themselves as desirable to straight men as they can, and this they often do with a great deal of success. If they elect for GRS it is in pursuit of these ideals, not because of some bizarre self-love. An HSTS will far sooner spend her money on hormones, a boob job and some cosmetic work than GRS. If they do elect for GRS it’s usually after all the other surgeries and modifications. This is just because it’s not that important to her. She knows perfectly well how to enjoy sex with the body she has; her task is to get the right man in bed to share it with her.

    There are only these two types of MtF transgender/transsexual, HSTS and AGP (the types are inverted for the somewhat more rare FtM). AGPs are constantly challenging this typology, established by Blanchard, but without a shred of evidence. HSTS very rarely challenge the typology because they are not trying to be something they are not. They are just trying to be the best they can be at what they already are. HSTS do not suffer from ‘gender dysphoria’ either. However, AGPs are profoundly jealous of HSTS because by and large (though not always) HSTS can make very beautiful women, which is extremely unusual amongst AGPs, who, frankly, struggle not to appear terrifying.

    Everything in the AGP’s world has to be subsumed into his consuming fantasy of becoming a woman. AGPs are absolutely incapable of loving another person, since their primary object of love and desire is themselves; their relationships with other people are such that the others are props in a fantasy of self-love, centred on themselves. Although HSTS can be pretty narcissistic, they are in the way that girls and young women are, forever taking selfies and fixing themselves in the mirror. The AGP’s narcissism is very different and much much darker.

    There is no doubt that AGPs are extremely corrosive and damaging people. They live in a complete fantasy world that has no relation to reality whatsoever. The fact that they invent histories is well documented. They are often very dominant, alpha-male type men who have an extremely serious disorder, which the APA appears to have walked away from, doubtless under the relentless weight of attack — personal and professional — from these people. Dr Michael Bailey even had his children threatened by AGPs after he published the book ‘The Man Who Would Be Queen’ in 2003. These are men, and they have all the domineering arrogance of men, fake vagina or not.

    HSTS on the other hand are pretty much harmless to everyone and certainly to women. They are NEVER attracted to women (obviously) and about as non-threatening as you can get. However, when we look at stats that are today telling us that 20 trans women have been murdered in the USA this year, it should be understood that these were HSTS, not AGP. AGPs are at very little risk, though they might have social and financial problems. They never enter sex work, never hit on straight guys and, since most of them are built like the proverbial brick outhouse, they can usually take care of themselves. (This is not to condone any violence of any sort; but it’s true.)

    I have a very great deal of sympathy for any woman who finds that her husband and the father of her children is AGP and my advice to her is to sue for divorce and custody immediately, and put as many thousands of miles between her family unit and the AGP she married as she can, pronto. I would go further and insist that the first time she finds out his secret cross-dressing fetish, she should be out the door. This is because it NEVER goes away, and it ALWAYS gets worse. Being sucked into an AGPs delusional fantasy would certainly, as the author shoes, be enough to do real damage and maybe kill a woman, if she doesn’t flee. Don’t ruin your life. Get the hell out fast and take the kids (and the car).

    But I would also like to say that not all transgender or transsexual MtF are women’s enemies; only one type is, the AGP. The other, HSTS, deserves your support.

    Liked by 3 people

  13. THANK YOU! My God how I wish I’d found a blog like this eight years ago. It would have saved me a helluva lot of grief and bullshit. I won’t bore anyone with a long story because I see this post is nearly a year old. But my NPD/AGP came out to me after 30 years of marriage and put me through two more years of hell before walking out to be with his new “soul mate.”

    I’ll be back to read more and hopefully share some things I discovered over the years.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m sorry to hear your story, which is all too frequent. I think it’s tragic that AGPs have had so much success in their campaign of lies. I can only repeat what I said above — at the first hint of autogynephilia in her husband, a wife should take the car, empty the bank, take the kids and go. Sue for the house, leave nothing. Effectively, he has left his wife for another woman already — the succubus he has himself invented through his masturbation fantasies.

      There is no neutral zone with AGP. These men are completely delusional and will destroy everyone around them. They don’t care.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Actually I’m new to this AGP info, and I’m not at all sure that was his problem. Not saying it didn’t play a part, it may well have. Narcissistic Personality Disorder, otoh, oh yeah. He fits that profile to a T. In fact he could have been the poster child.

        I clearly remember the day I came across the info on that while trying to educate myself on this transgender bs. I lost count of how many times I almost fell out of my chair as I read the behaviors. It was like reading a biography of our lives written by someone who never met either of us.

        But the thing with AGP is, he was simply never very “sexual” at all. He just wasn’t interested, something he neglected to mention until months after the wedding by the way. Of course, on the up side I’m just glad there were no children involved.

        I’ll have to read more to get a handle on that aspect. But I can say one thing. As his womanly alter ego blossomed, I became aware that he’d probably never loved me – he just wanted to be me. Like he wanted to keep me around so he could look at me and see a refection of himself. This was driven home by a few people we knew who watched from the sidelines as his appearance became more and more feminine. Two of them commented “it was like he was trying to look like you.”

        So is that an aspect of AGP?

        Thanks again for your blog. I’m just so happy to find a place where people aren’t falling all over themselves to prop up these “poor trans people.”

        Like

      2. Hi. Thank you. First, I must point out that this is not my blog, I’m just an occasional contributor here; I hope my knowledge of the subject (which is considerable) may help. My own blog is at htttp://rodfleming.com/ and there is more on autogynephilia there.

        Regarding your points: all autogynephilic men are severely narcissistic and indeed it might be that AGP is a form of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I have not seen any papers confirming that, but direct experience of autogynephiles — who are extremely prone to narcissistic rage — tends to make me think this is the case. (Dr Alice Dreger has written on this point.)

        Autogynephilic men can be of three types: gynephilic, bisexual and analloerotic. The first are sexually attracted to women, although their primary sexual focus is on themselves as women. They remain attracted to women (ie, they retain a hetero-normative male sex drive) after transition.

        The second show no interest in men prior to transition, but once they do, they begin to experiment with sex with men (pseudo-homosexuality). In this, they are not attracted to men as women or transsexuals are, but see them as an affirming part of their autogynephilic fantasy. They seek to be ‘accepted as women’ by their lovers, so men are a part of their masturbatory fantasy.

        Your ex might fit the third category, analloerotics. These often have a low physical sex drive and may be misidentified as asexual, but this is very far from the case. They often have such a hatred of their own genitalia that they cannot even masturbate, or at least only with difficulty. (Dr Charles Moser has postulated that androphobia, hatred of men and masculinity, may play a part in the development of autogynephilia, and it certainly seems to be the case here.) They may be able to penetrate women before transition by fantasising that they are in a lesbian relationship, but most do not. Because of this, they are often childless, which is rare in the other categories.

        Analloerotics gain their autogynephilic sexual reward simply by dressing as women and participating in what they see as ‘women’s activities’. Blanchard himself pointed out that knitting is not a sexual release for women, but it is for these men. Dr Anne Lawrence, (an autogynephile) has collected hundreds of case histories, and these show how autogynephilic men can orgasm simply by the act of putting on a pair of stockings. (The book is called ‘Men Trapped in Men’s Bodies’.)

        This might explain your ex’s obsession with looking like you. He was, as you point out, never in love with you, but always with himself. However, you appear to have become his ‘ideal woman’ and the model that his autogynephilic alter-ego was trying to mimic. So he may have been achieving sexual release by looking like you. Remember that while most autigynephiles enjoy orgasming regularly, analloerotics may be unable to do this because of their hatred of their male genitalia. In this case the sexual release is purely mental.

        I hope this helps. It is frustrating that so much of the ‘information’ available online is actually propaganda produced by autogynephilic men to divert attention away from the true nature of their condition. I suggest you find a copy of Dr J Michael Bailey’s book, ‘The Man Who Would Be Queen’, which details the lives of some autogynephilic men.

        Finally, and once again, autogynephilic men and male-to-female (mtf) transsexuals are two completely different phenomena. Bruce Jenner is AGP; Janet Mock is transsexual, and her book ‘Redefining Realness’ is all you need to read to prove to yourself that she is nothing like an autogynephilic man. Naturally, AGP men deny this difference, but this is a part of their smokescreen of lies; they are so immersed in a self-created fantasy that their understanding of objective truth is practically non-existent. Instead, it is whatever they say it is, no matter how absurd.

        The two types were comprehensively described by Dr Ray Blanchard, who invented the term ‘autogynephilia’. His work has since been confirmed by MRI testing and other means. It is the de facto science on this subject and has never been challenged; indeed, it has become more well-supported. (This is why autogynephilic men constantly plead that they should ‘just be listened to’; the science refutes every one of their nonsensical claims, so science must be denied and replaced with ‘personal narrative’. I can just see how the law courts would respond to that one.)

        Autogynephilia appears to be a psychosis restricted to white middle-class men in the West, while mtf transsexuals appear all over the world at about the same rate. The latter are never attracted to women in any way at all and they are aetiologically similar to gay men. Apparent autogynephiles are tiny in numbers compared to mtf transsexuals, but because they are often aggressive, masculine men, they have dominated the discourse to their own advantage and the severe disadvantage of both women and mtf transsexuals.

        Liked by 1 person

  14. @ olderandwiser

    ” As his womanly alter ego blossomed, I became aware that he’d probably never loved me – he just wanted to be me. Like he wanted to keep me around so he could look at me and see a refection of himself. This was driven home by a few people we knew who watched from the sidelines as his appearance became more and more feminine. Two of them commented “it was like he was trying to look like you.”

    You have it there. We wives are nothing but mirrors for their fantasies. Sorry if this is TMI but he wanted to claim every orgasm that I had as his own. He wasn’t interested in a two way sharing of giving and receiving of sexual pleasure, he only wanted to take away my pleasure for himself.

    @Rod Fleming……LOL one of the last things I did for my ex was teach him to knit, at his insistence.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. They are narcissistic all right. Mine (a platonic friend, who I initially was in love with- I think he exploited this) verbally abused me while my mother was dying then had the nerve, when I tried to gently get him to explain his statements, to say “My mother’s really sick!”

    This is the same loony tune who later accused me of stalking him because I told his family about his suicide threats.

    Later on, he told his workplace (the Remember Salem store in Salem Mass) I was stalking him- and got the boss to threaten to call the police on me, ostensibly because I showed up and tried to talk to him about the suicide thing, but in actuality probably because I got irritated with him for not picking up the phone when he told me to call him at a certain time to discuss everything (I thought he was ignoring me after I rushed home to get to the phone).

    Also had his sister call up from across the country to threaten me not to talk to his family, and to make sob stories for him about how sad his life has been and how much trouble I caused his family when I notified them of his suicide talk.

    BTW, if you want to see this mess of a human being, definitely an AGP, Google Leslie156. WARNING: graphic nude photos.

    Absolute pond scum.

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      1. Yeah, sorry matey, I wish that came with liquid eye disinfectant!

        As you can see, very narcissistic, shallow, has silly idea of womanhood (he told me he used to watch lactation porn- see my comment on another post about them wanting to vampirize off women’s processes), once said to me “some women like being abused,” called ex-girlfriends “crazy,” absorbed in penis but calls it “her penis” when talking of self, wants to be female, etc.

        He used to accuse me of “overanalyzing” him when I tried to get him to clarify confusing statements he made, verbally abused me when my mother was dying (he said, when I tried to defend myself, “my mothah’s really sick!”), and accused me of “stalking” him when I told his family he was talking suicidally. Later told his boss I was stalking him and got me banned from one of my favorite stores in Salem.

        (Salem, BTW, is crawling with trannies- the nasty kind, not the HSTS ones who just want to be left alone).

        Another thing you may notice if you can wade, Andy Dufresne style, through all that f*cknuttery, is that he is a very devoted Satanist/Thelemite, and a fan of antisocial British occultist who abused women and abandoned his wife and child Aleister Crowley. Thelema was Aleister Crowley’s religion that said “do what thou wilt” and was very misogynistic and considered the sperm and male functions the sole progenitors of life.

        The occultism this religion was involved in and came from worshipped androgynous (but still curiously male-leaning!) figures like Baphomet the penis-and-breasts-bearing goat god, and Adam Kadmon, the “perfect” evolved “androgynous” man who impregnated himself without a female! Satanism was founded by Crowley disciple Anton LaVey.

        All roads lead to Crowley when f*cknuttery is concerned.

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  16. Very good break-down of all the hidden stuff in the article. So, he didn’t need health insurance until he wanted a fake vagina, meanwhile his wife (who can’t be named, real women aren’t important) was suffering from liver disease and alcoholism way before that, and then after she died then suddenly he needed health insurance? Fucked up.

    And yes, it is very uncommon for someone who is only 40 to die from alcoholism. That has happened to a few of my extended family members, but there is a history of alcoholism in the family.

    Yes, it is more female erasure and it’s disgusting. This man is beyond selfish and I feel bad for the kids and his wife.

    Liked by 1 person

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